Merry Christmas!

Just wishing everybody a very Merry Christmas! Hope you enjoy your gifts if you do celebrate it and if you don’t, hope you enjoy your day! 🙂

~CYC

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Late Night Thoughts: Meaningful Quotes

So I was a browsing through a /r/askreddit thread titled ‘What quote speaks to you the most?’. Reading through the comments and most gave me a sense of realization of the world. I, too, have my own quotes that speak to me the most. Here are some of mine:

‘We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behaviours.’

‘Be kind, not nice, to people. There’s a difference.’

‘How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye hard.’

‘Years from now, I hope we are still in each other lives.’

‘Those who wander does not mean they are lost, it just means they’re searching for something.’

And lastly,

‘Live life with one moment at a time’

What are some of your own personal quotes? Do they have a special meaning? Hopefully they do 🙂 Good night!

~CYC

Living Life: Chilling with Qawi

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Hello everybody, meet Qawi! He’s been a friend of mine for about 5 years now. We first met through a mutual friend via gaming. And he became one of my teammates for gaming (Refer to In My Mind: Competitiveness and Perfectionist). Ever since then, we have been contacting each other on and off through text and gaming.

As we barely get to see each other (I’m mostly studying in Melbourne and he was studying at Bandar), I thought it would be a nice way to catch up with each other’s lives! We talked about various topics; his camping trip at Temburong, my pharmacy life, relationships etc. It was definitely a great night. Just chilling with a close friend outside and talking.

Throughout the conversations of our friendship, his experience kind of opened up my views on situations that I myself would never have experienced. As a Chinese that had mostly Chinese friends throughout my school life, I never really interacted with the Malays. Having him as one of the pure Malay friend, it gives me a lot of insight on what it is like to be with Malays. How they think or how they act. Obviously, not all Malays are the same but I guess it gave a general summary/consensus as to how they behave in certain situations, seeing that most will have the same culture.

Just to clarify, I’m not a judgmental person and certainly will not judge a person without looking at all of the contents. However, it does give some impressions. Hope the Malays out there are not offended! Have a great night!

~CYC

In My Mind: ‘Gifted’ Movie Trailer

So I came across this movie trailer while browsing through Facebook and I gotta say, my first impression was this movie looks pretty good. Featuring Chris Evans of Captain America, I think the plot of the movie is great; touching the adult perspective of smart/gifted child and the child’s perspective of being gifted.

Some adults wants their gifted children to progress quickly in education, skipping year levels and attending tertiary education classes. Some adults wants their gifted children to go through a normal childhood; go to the playground, make friends with other children etc. What about the gifted children themselves? Well, some might be ambitious and become the next child prodigy or some might be laid back and just want to slowly cruise through life.

Now I realize on the internet, many people have commented on how the movie looks very similar to Matilda, how the plot of ‘going from mental calculation to advanced calculus’ is a very big flaw of the movie or even how the plot of being a gifted child has been explored before. Granted, I have never watched Matilda or any other related films before nor how I understand how being gifted actually works, I think this still can be a good movie. I think it has the potential to be great with the acting and lines especially showing the very human side of being a ‘father’ and a gifted child. Normally, in films, fathers are portrayed as ‘neglecting’ or showing not enough care compared to mothers and I think this is a great film to showcase ‘fathers’.

This is all my opinion though and who knows? Maybe the movie will turn out bad or be a success. We’ll find out as it gets released on April 12 in the US next year.

‘He wanted me before I was smart.’ – Mary

 

~CYC

Melodious Music: DJ Snake – Middle ft Bipolar Sunshine

It’s like I’m always causing problems, causing hell
I didn’t mean to put you through this, I can tell

I hope that I can turn back the time
To make it all alright, all alright for us

Am I just overthinking feelings I conceal
This gut feeling I’m tryna get off me as well
I hope we find our missing pieces and just chill

Recently, I was listening to this song and noticed the lyrics. I guess the lyrics represented a stage of my life where me and a very close friend had our friendship cut off. It was definitely a rough time of my life. This song brought back some bad memories but life is all about moving on. Even though the past has happened, it’s important to learn from it and move forward. For the best of both parties. For the other person to know that you’re doing well. 🙂

~CYC

In My Mind: Competitiveness and Perfectionist

Anyone that is close with me knows that I love playing video games and badminton.

For video games, I love the competitive aspect of it and the community of esports such as Dota 2, League of Legends, Overwatch and CS:GO. I love watching the ‘Majors’. I love theorycrafting and strategizing. I love participating in competitions where I can display my skills and strategies. My first ever competitive video gaming tournament was in 2011 and the main event was Warcraft 3 DotA (the very first version of Dota). At that time, I had formed a team with 4 friends and it was genuinely our first time ever playing in a proper tournament. We were very young, if not the youngest out of all of the teams on an average. We were just a bunch of players that get along well together and have good team synergy in games. We probably weren’t the most skilled but I always wanted to make up for that lack in skill with good strategy. That tournament went kind of well for us. We got 4th place and we felt that it was a great tournament for us even though we could’ve done better.

However, things didn’t go the way as we thought after that. One of our players left the team and we just never practiced anymore. We were playing a few games here and there but never seriously. Moreover, we could never find a suitable 5th player that would have good synergy with us. As a result, our next tournament was really bad. We got last place. I never really strategize much anymore and our teamwork just wasn’t there anymore. Our skills deteriorated and we just couldn’t keep up with the other players even though we know we could win against them.

Fast forward to the present, I’m still playing the same game. Sometimes when I watch tournaments, I strategize and give opinions on what is the optimal option. In a way, I kinda miss that. The joy of theorycrafting, the happiness of planning and the success of the implementation. Whenever I play ranked ladder for Dota 2, I guess it brings out the competitiveness in me. I just want to win so bad because of how I used to play the game in the past. It’s kind of a negative thing because I then become toxic. I’m very critical of my own mistakes and others as well. Whenever I do bad in a game, I always take the blame on me; whether it was the draft or a misplay from me. In a way, I didn’t want to be a burden to my team. I want to contribute to the team.

And this kind manifested in real life situations. One of them would be playing badminton. Whenever I come back to Brunei to play badminton with my friends, we play doubles a lot and the same concept of ‘competitiveness’ applies here. I want to be hitting my shots. I want to be able to go cross court and catch the shuttlecock. I don’t want to be a burden to my partner. Sometimes, I just want to smash my racket against the wall and just break down. Because really, I really want to do my best.

I don’t know how to feel. I’m just feeling quite emotionless whenever I think about doing my best; whether it’s badminton or playing video games. And that sucks. Really, really sucks. Not even sadness or happiness is felt. Just empty. People say there are always going to be bad days. But what if I wanted every day to be a great day for playing video games/badminton? I guess I am a perfectionist and a competitor.

~CYC

Late Night Thoughts: Trusting Friends

So I recently went to a friend’s hangout and they were talking about different types of friends; their uniqueness and whether you can trust them or not. And that sparked my own thoughts on the topic of friends and trust.

As I grew up, I always viewed friendships as being very valuable and precious to me. Whenever I meet someone with characteristics that I like such as being understanding, fun to hangout with (having common hobbies), not judging and kind, I can almost instantly ‘click’ with that friend. I think meeting someone who ‘clicks’ with you is not such a black and white answer. There are certainly variances between each friend that you ‘click’ with. However, for me, the one characteristic that determines whether I can be very close to that friend is trust. Trust to me is very important. It says so much about how I feel towards a person and whether I could be open with him/her.

In the past, I had many trust issues with different friends. Sometimes, I would question myself after: ‘Did I make the right choice? Should I have not told him *insert personal problems/secrets*?’ That runs through my mind most of the time. And often, I wouldn’t contact that friend as much as before afterwards.

I would say I judge people a lot but also look at their intentions. There’s a quote on my desk wall that says ‘We judge other people by their actions but we judge ourselves by our intentions.’ To me, that opened up my perspective to judging people. Although one’s action may seem awful to one person, but if you manage to put yourself into his or her position, it might not seem as awful. From there, I could determine the ‘level’ of trust I can put into a certain friend.

However, trust is such a fragile word. I feel like it has such a fine lining to what it actually means and I admit that sometimes I misuse it. What is trust exactly? What does it mean when I trust somebody? Does it mean I can tell all my secrets or problems to him/her? Or does it mean that I can rely on him when I need help? For me, trust means only one thing. That I am able to tell my deepest secrets and problems to them. That they are able to understanding and empathize with me. That I am just happy with their presence even though I’m crying, emotionally and mentally broken and tired of everything. That to me is trust.

You know who you are. The friend(s) that I fully trust. I really appreciate having them in my life and being a part of my journey through life. :’) Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Without them, I wouldn’t be here today.

It’s 3am right here now. Peace out and good night. 🙂

~CYC