Late Night Thoughts: Homesick

When you first go to another country to study, you feel excited and enthusiastic. You can’t wait for a new environment; you’re tired of seeing the same people and same places. You want to experience something new. You finally get independence. You’re all on your own. You can do whatever you want.

But then you realize, ‘Oh, I don’t really know anybody. How am I going to make friends? Well, I just have to try.’ Then you try your best to approach people but most of them have their own clique. And you wonder, ‘This is going to be hard.’

As days pass, you realize this is harder than you thought. Things don’t go as plan. You barely know how to cook. Appliances go haywire. Daily necessities become a chore. Trying to save up money. Dealing with studies. Everything just became much harder. You want somebody to talk to. But all your good friends and family are far away. Contacting them is hard. Even with video calls, you just feel it’s not enough. You just want to see them. You start to reminisce the times you were at a party, doing stupid stuff and having fun. All the memories that you made. All of these come crashing down in moments. You just want to get back home. You just want to go to that airline website and book a ticket. But you know you can’t. The hopelessness. And then you cry by yourself in the lonely night.

Day 30. You know that sobbing isn’t going to help. You realize that you have to be strong, for your family and friends. To let them know you’re doing well. To not let them know that you’re not doing fine. To not let them worry about you. Everything seems to be going much better. You’re starting to live a much better life, blending in well with the new culture and new friends. You still miss the memories and the old life. You never forget them but you know, you have to move on and create new memories. Because in the end, you can always come back home; home to where you belong.

~CYC

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